Exhausted and Grateful

I don’t think I have ever been this exhausted in my life. I already wasn’t sleeping well due to the early rising sun around 5 am, but last week’s emotional onslaught from Ignited Man left me emotionally drained. My mind was so agitated that it left me wanting for sleep for 5 days straight. And it showed. My parents thought I looked like a zombie, fearing for my health when I stumbled back home late Sunday afternoon. As a matter of fact, I was so exhausted I couldn’t sleep and started having panic attacks once more as my mind raced from life changing decision to life changing decision not unlike a monkey on cocaine. Thankfully Irina came to the rescue, prescribing deep relaxation and meditation exercises.

 

Now three days later my sanity has now returned. Today I went to see my supervisor’s group at St Thomas’s hospital and got excited about my project again. Hopefully I can start doing some real work this weekend and perhaps even finish preparing the data sets for the tri-planar segmentation algorithm which is to be implemented next. What I will say though is that the support around me has been heart warming. Not only did Irina help me, but my parents, and even my supervisor showed incredible support despite my wavering. I can’t help but shed a few tears before this display of love in my life. I need to be more aware and grateful.

 

As for the OM practice, I hope to start next week. I thought I would stay away from it for longer but having rested up somewhat I feel like reengaging with the community. These people are beautiful. I want to be part of the community.

 

I am also getting better on a physical level. The swimming exercises in conjunction with plank and superman exercises help strengthen my core to the point where I feel greater strength. I am still very far away from my best fitness level but this will do until I start climbing mountains again. Not being in constant pain is so underrated…

 

I don’t have much else to say today besides that I am grateful for last week’s experiences which I will expand on in the next couple of blog posts. This has been an emotionally charged week of confusion and growth. Despite almost going nuts, I learned to relax and deal with it more gracefully than I had previously done. This is growth at it rawest which for me always seems to come with a heavy dose of pain. I suspect it will stay that way, but as long as I remain conscious and aware I can limit it to what is strictly necessary. Anyways I am off to listen to the “Power of Now” and do some deep relaxation before what will hopefully be a rejuvenating night of sleep.

 

I love life.

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