This is my first ever blog post. I am starting a blog with the idea of sharing the deeper side of myself with the world. My aim isn’t narcissistic, nor is it to change anybody. I simply want an avenue to express myself, my ideas and my love on the interweb. Maybe along the way I will inspire, provoke or connect with whoever reads it but this is secondary. So for my first blog post I want to explain a few things about myself: I am a man on a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. I seek to live a life of deep purpose, in love with the world and of connection.
I have had a rocky start to say the least. For the first 25 years of my life, I lived in depression, either in a constant state of escapism watching Youtube videos or in a state of apathy verging on suicidal . Last year, after having spent nearly a year working as a software developer in Cambridge and then London and hating my life, I left for South America in a desperate attempt to fix myself. This journey changed my life. Upon coming back, the challenge became to sustain my new-found sanity in society with all the pressures of modern life. I faced a choice: either retire and become a monk or fully engage with the modern world and learn to live my life on my terms. I decided on the later course.
This year has been rough to say the least. I studied for a uninspiring Master’s degree in Statistics, doing what I always do: spending my time in my head. I read about Taoism, Tantrism, Yogic lifestyle, in the process changing my way of breathing, eating, and masturbating. From all these books, I constructed a grand theory of everything from the various teachings. I thought I had it figured out. But then I discovered Orgamsic Meditation.
The point of Orgasmic Meditation, or OM as it is called, is simply to stroke a woman’s clitoris for 15 minutes with no goal in mind. This practice is meant to develop one’s surrender to the present moment, to resolve one’s issues with one’s sexuality and bring up any complexes around connection one might have. The experience is surprisingly deep. Upon having my first OM session, I came to realise that despite all my books, I knew nothing. All my supposed wisdom was purely intellectual, not experiential and thus non-consequential. What I need is to get out of my head and start stroking pussies, both literally and figuratively. The only way I will transform myself into the man I am capable of being is by engaging with the world, show my real self, make mistakes, embarrass myself and do it again and again. This is the only way of developing my true wisdom.
So this is only the beginning of a long journey. I wanted to start a blog for a while and now, upon my 28th birthday the time has come to finally take action and write some bloody words down, express myself and show some vulnerability. I plan on writing a 500-word blog post every day. For now, the quality matters less than the quantity as I improve my writing. If you are reading this, I hope you enjoy the ride. If not, it doesn’t matter…